The Laser

The Laser came to it’s Speaker Spanker mother Miss J in 2014 as a 630am online expensive impulse buy.  The pink shininess and dynamic patterns lured Miss J in immediately.  Upon mail arrival the first time The Laser was plugged in it sent a shock of electricity through Miss J that sent her falling to the ground. Some speculated The Laser was “defective” but upon testing the machine it worked beautifully. The shock was just The Laser’s way of saying “hello” or it was a soul that was now reincarnated into a laser.  It never shocked anyone else again. The Laser had a remote control but it never worked. This was a sign to let the Laser not be controlled and be granted 
“absolute Laser power.”
To this day The Laser never repeats a performance and enjoys the attention. The Laser enjoys tricking newcomers into thinking that it is off, and then just when you think it turns off, “SURPRISE!”, it is back on.
The Laser loves drum and bass, and disco house music the most.  It knows when people are sad, and it performs “Laser cartwheels” in order to cheer people up. The Laser can feel a fake person, as it acts like it is broken and doesn’t perform as well.  When The Laser likes you it will show off.  Several pictures of the Laser have been blown up to reveal ghostly faces of “spirits who like to party.” Surely Miss J and many other witnesses understand that a spiritual energy inhabits The Laser.  The Laser loves its secret basement home and doesn’t like small children.  It was once photographed at an after-party, and as the picture flashed, The Laser caused a brief power outage in the City of Pittsburgh.  It enjoys giving a good mindf*@k to partiers.  It can party all night long… Oh yes, The Laser can hang.  Ask the Laser a question, and it will tell you the answer… That is, if it likes you.
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